imaginings.

i want to experience walking in rain with you, with our shoes off, feeling the wetness of ground meeting sole. our walk slow to match slow breath. and we’ll be like those two people in the movies who go falling in love under raindrops and thunderstorms. the only differences between us and them are our lovestruck hearts beat underneath breasts and that this isn’t pretend. and then, let’s hold hands as we run in the middle of storm-toned pavement back into our dry home, laughing, shivering and feeling our bodies adjust to the change, searching for warmth. we only need to turn the left knob all the way left and wait. wait as dew and clothes slide off skin onto cold tiled floor. wait for water to soften hard white porcelain, wait for it to rise high enough so our whole beings can drop in… together. together the waiting ceases and our bodies heat to a temperature that warrants in us something more than just taking a nice warm bath.

love in progress…

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as i uncover polyamory¹ and my relationship to love, i ask and discover myself.

what does accountability look like?

what are both my hard and flexible boundaries?

how can i not fall into taking care of people’s feelings but remain supportive and loving?

how i respond to each question will be expressed differently with each relationship i commit to. in all of this openness and unpredictability, what are my unshakeable needs in my relationships?

there will be adult reciprocity, as opposed to paternalism:

i will not assume what’s best for them, attempt to take care of feelings, known or unknown, or enable habits in order to diffuse conflict.

will be honest with them about where i am and have the courage to ask them where they are. i will be honest with them about what i want and have the courage to ask them in return. in this, i will remain self-supportive and supportive of them. i will have the power to receive and merge our honesty to change our relationship, feeling loss and gain wherever they are felt.

the only roles that will be played will be person loving person, person committed to person’s well being; the duality of victim and perpetrator will not be perpetuated:

i will not play “good” as the other plays “bad”, as has been the pattern in the past. this duality stifles our truth: we are both engendering unhealthy ways of relating to each other.

will assert myself and my needs while giving them the space to assert themselves. i will recognize reactions and disrespect as such and ensure that i communicate my feelings with power, assert my inability to continue under these conditions and take space, if necessary. i will give others room to do the same.

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¹ polyamory- the realization of love, connection and intimacy between multiple people, including self, through commitment and honest communication that are based in mutual love. i do not limit the confines of poly to those i have sexual and romantic relationships with.

creative observation #14

we are two puzzle pieces fitting into each other just right. you know, the type of right that knows where each curve and corner is without thought passing through minds, the type of right where edges brush up against before aligning, the type of right that magnetizes connection in the mere meeting of two bodies and spirits.

it is the easy and gentle type of right; from uncertainty to unshakability type of right; the sometimes confusing but workin our brains and heart out type of right.

it is the us type of right that we are.

and again…

and again, israel attacks gaza.

and again, it strikes to kill

those who have endured

decades of children knowing

the ear-deafening sound of death,

of grandparents fighting to survive not only 1948 but

each war, attack, daily persecution

since.

 

and again,

and again,

 

and again, israel attacks gaza.

and again, it strikes to kill

palestinian resistance

for calm and quiet evenings,

for laughter uninterrupted,

for celebrations unfamiliar with death,

for the necessities that are now luxuries.

 

and again,

and again,

 

and again, israel attacks gaza.

and again it strikes to kill

the determination that carries the people

the heart that beats “liberation”

the fists that spring revolution.

 

but again,

but again,

 

but again, palestine rises

in struggle,

in power

and with

the people.

blackgirldangerous, article “When The Lesser Of Two Evils Isn’t Enough”, comment thread which essentially discussed this question: in a two-party system where both options seem terribly evil, the choice between either obama (lesser evil) or romney (more evil), who should we lean towards even when acknowledging that we have a failing democracy?¹

i wonder how lesser evil is defined because yeah, mitt romney has a personality and opinions of a jackass but obama has actually been doing hella fucked up things, like materially fucked up, like creating killing fields and detaining folks because their breath smelled like “terrorist”, like displacing more folks than bush, some stupid fucked up life-murdering shit. to top it off, he’s pretty, charming, democrat and black. sounds pretty dangerous to me for what he can get away with (see: what obama has wrought)

but really this isn’t about him or mitt romney or whatever other shit-face that becomes president. whoever it is, will inevitably fuck shit up because in reality, none of them has control over the way the system wants to crank out its program of stripping workers of material power, of access to livelihood. and you know, we, the brown, black, immigrant, poor and queer, will get it worse, like we always do.

this system has got to go. and before that happens, this game of who is better or worse, seems like a game we will perpetually lose.

and yeah, when things get really bad, people can become more afraid. but on a brighter note, when things get really bad, people rise up, harder and stronger than ever before.*

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¹ i wrote this response 2 months ago on the blog blackgirldangerous, contemplated posting it on here, felt the time had passed by the time i got around to it but once again, it feels relevant because it’s in our celebration of obama’s “victory” that we have once again been distracted by the illusion that this system would concede its powers to the uncertainty of election. capitalism is smart, it knows better than to leave its success or its demise in the hands of some individual we happen to elect.

*comment slightly edited for aesthetic reasons.