sometimes i can hear my soul gasping, exhausted because i pay it no attention.

yesterday lingers.

heavy baggage under dropping eyes.

i wanna do everything but sit in silence, everything but get closer to insides.

it feels as if all of me is telling me not to. its ok, everything tells myself, you can miss just one more sit.

but it is my rebellious spirit, my forever guide (and misguide at times), that wants to disobey these posturings of support.

you do not need to call my name

to tell me you love me.

we are from lives past;

my name will die when

my spirit carries on.

carry me in your spirit and

i will live lives with you.

when our conditioning unravels, all will become possibility.

to know that i have been in an illusion of thick grey

means that i am less in illusion than just a moment ago.

scattered particles of dust

reflecting coming light

i can see a little color now.

“maybe love isn’t enough”

but it really seems like love is enough and perhaps what we think of it- our ideas, experiences and feelings about love are not enough.

our ideas not big enough

our experiences too few and too stagnant

and our feelings mixed up in the former two.

when we try to love one another, our selves and those around us, the trying (i.e. all the sexy, unsexy, difficult and oh so easy) is us in the process of loving- we’re tapping into the deep caverns of our most liberated selves, the selves that knew how to love beyond and before birth.

this  BIG  S T R O N G  UNCONDITIONAL love

is just another form of enlightenment, another form of liberation. and if love is that, if we are trying to love like that then love will not just have its sweets and easies but it will too have those times of heartbreaks and pelagic sorrows- times where we turn away, walk away from the path towards liberation. in those times, we will have to remind ourselves and each other that the path is there awaiting our precious hearts, spirits and feet. it is there no matter how many times we turn away from love, from our liberation, it is there awaiting our coming.

love is definitely enough.

we are on its path.

increasing the consequences of rape.

too often the desecration of our bodies, queer, brown and womyn, are dismissed or the fault of us, the supposed limp and lifeless of society. too often we single-file line to our governments asking for our rights, rights that we think we no longer have the right to demand. too often we are left in those single-file lines, we drop off one by one, tired of waiting and standing for an endorsement or a watered-down bill that too often protects the perpetrator. too often we are told not to take our life, dignity and sisterhood in our own hands and fight back. this time they will not hurt or rape us, they will not marginalize or discard us, they will not determine our fates.

let’s increase the consequences of rape:

steubenville 2013

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*Please distribute website widely. Share with your loved ones, share with strangers.*

♥ ♥ ♥ Thanks community! ♥ ♥ ♥

the question of discipline- how can i develop discipline so that i can develop skills, explore passions and learn more deeply- is one that i have held since the days of ditching middle school 4 days a week and trying everything for just too brief a time. this question, whenever it arose and it did so quite often, arose in fits of frustration and hate for myself; never did i hold it sweetly inside myself, never patiently letting the answers arrive in my life as life chose to present them. i held this question over myself, always beyond reach, dangling it 10 stories high, or often, just too few inches too far. i used it to show myself that i am the same old unchanging me- unruly and too wild of mind to be too good at anything.

but i must remind myself that i am living the answers, it’s just that the answers seem to go hiding in the vastness of the mutating environments of life. they are forgotten sometimes, buried in memories i no longer can remember. and i need to remember. i need to remember that these answers that go missing can always be found in the subtleties of the day-to-day, the mundane and the minute. i become answer for that minute moment on that mundane day- whether i realize it or not- it realizes itself in me. these brief and fleeting moments are incredibly important because soon, my dear one, once these brief and fleetings become abundant and piled high, i will realize that i have been answer all along.

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free write written for radical fuckin’ sangha, a meditation space for organizers and revolutionaries, held on tuesdays at Oakland Makerspace. the prompt was on a quote by ranier maria rilke:

“have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

creative observation #16

organic and ever-moving phenomena, you are always open and receiving- connection and connected is who you are. when all else feels difficult, when disconnect is where i want to return, you are here patiently awaiting my arrival.

your gaze wraps around every inch of flesh,

around

and

around,

like a web from which i cannot be freed.

and may i never be-

free from every melody of i love you

every symphony of kiss and orgasm,

may i never be free from you, my beloved.

and if freedom arrives one mournful day,

may i be caught once again by you,

whisper to soul,

in lifetimes soon to come.